Thirteen
Colds don’t usually raze me, but about five or six years ago I caught one that was especially bad. BEST FRIEND sent me home from work with the instruction I stay there until I recovered – she probably didn’t want me spreading it more than anything. I idled around my flat, watched a movie, did some writing, then went to bed. It was my own little holiday. Because I didn’t have to get up for work the next day, I tried to sleep in. I had a big deposit of tiredness that I needed to bank, but even my sleep-ins are restless. I roused briefly around late morning and, in…
Eleven
We’re programmed to live outside our heads. We’ll think about things when we need to, but that thinking will function within the parameters that genetics, upbringing, and environment have programmed into us. Most people never become truly self-aware. They never – or at least rarely – think outside of that programming. One exception is when you experience something like anxiety or depression, and that whole thought process turns inward. Then it becomes this scathing, torturous, unrelenting self-examination through every moment. Even the good times elicit that self-reflection and, as a byproduct of that, doubt and insecurity. I’m not going to go into work too much – at least not now.…