16
I lay awake and listen to the sounds of the night. The ringing in my ears – that constant single frequency. The sound that exists under it – a dull roar, like holding a seashell to your ear, only the report’s so low it’s almost inaudible. The hiss of air from my CPAP machine. My own shallow breathing. Sometimes I hear other things, like little footsteps charging over the roof. Possums. Well, it has to be. When I’m in my study, it’s not unusual to hear them leap onto the fence in the backyard. Or, sometimes, if I have friends over, when I escort them out late at night, we…
15
I lay in bed, growing so stifled a fine sweat forms across my brow. I shouldn’t be sweating – it’s not hot – and when I push the covers down to my waist, I immediately feel the cold. Now I’m in two different climates: from the waist-down, I’m too hot, and from the waist-up I’m freezing. Here’s a side-effect of the Aropax – hot flushes. I’m only thirty or so, and struggling to reconcile what Aropax does to me. There are so many problems, but before I started them I had crippling OCD, and had been agoraphobic and living effectively as a shut-in for five years. This is the trade-off.…